(Not) Writing My Exam

So, I finished writing my first exam last night, and I'm going to get to work on my second exam today, however, before I throw myself into it, why don't I waste a little time. (For any Canadians that may be reading this, I am preparing an exam, not taking it.)
Joel Swagman inspired me to write about the only thing I ever wrote in Chimes that anyone ever read. I found it last night inadvertently by doing a Google Search for my full name. I discovered three items, this "letter" to the editor of Chimes, my employer's out-of-date "current faculty information," and most suprising of all, my name is, along with 823 others' from the Calvin community, archived at Michael Moore's website.
Well, back to the letter I wrote, which was far longer than the requested letter length. However, the editors at chimes agreed to run it, because I wrote a few articles for Chimes back in the day, and they assured me it was relatively thoughtful. I wrote it more to clarify thoughts that had been bouncing around in my brain rather than to respond to the anonymous correspondent, whose letters bordered a little on the crazy. I also felt sorry for Chris Blauwkamp who I didn't know well, but considered to be a good guy. Also, I found John Ford to be a little scary, because he went to the same Christian college as my cousin, Bev, after she broke up with him, and he was not a Christian. Then, in a mandatory dorm roundtable discussion on rape awareness, he told us all how an ex-girlfriend (presumably not my cousin, or maybe I would've heard about it?) accused him of rape unjustly. Of course, to make that discussion even more awkward, my suitemate Ryan, the RA, all but accused him of rape right there. Well, anyways, I learned my lesson, creepiness is it's own punishment.
Okay, so once again back to this letter I wrote, to which this David Bultmann guy responded by asking why I had never offered to pray for him in my letter. Part of the reason why could have been that he wrote his first letter anonymously. Well, being the unreasonable whore for other people's approval that I was and to some great degree continue to be, I sent him an e-mail basically saying, "Hey, bud, no hard feelings, let's go meet at the campus coffee shop and talk about whatever you want." Well, I never heard back from him, which was fine, because that would've been really creepy.
Back to creepiness--I am very proud to announce that if you enter my name in Google, this website is now the second result you get, right after my figure skater friend.

Her name is Silvia

Silvia 

Janna first suggested it, but I like it too much to pass it by. Of course, Silvia is Latin for "born in the woods," which I assume she was. Also, Rhea Silvia was a figure in Roman mythic history whose father, Numitor was deposed by her uncle, Amulius. She was saved the fate of her brothers (death) by virtue of her femininity, which secured her a lifetime appointment as a Vestal Virgin. Of couse, once again, the rota fortunae turned against her and she found herself pregnant by the god, Mars. He did help her escape, she did manage to leave her children in a basket (à la Moishe) by the Tiber river from whence they were taken and reared by a lupa, Latin for a she-wolf or a prostitute, as Pliny points out.
Well, from that point in the story we don't really know whether she was buried alive, the punishment for pregnant Vestal Virgins, or if she somehow escaped to live a better life. It seems to me there is some symbolism here, but I know I definitely want to spell her name with an "i" instead of a "y".

It's all over but the test-taking

Praise the Lord, God of Mercy and Grace, who knows all, can do all, and is somehow all-loving! The end of school is here, and as my colleague in the history department Roger once said, it was down to hand-to-hand combat today.
Let there be summer (after exams)!
Shalom

Hi, I'm a rich liberal and I believe in the future

This guy is the H. Ross Perot of Charlottesville liberals. He's running for one of the few seats in the Virginia House of Delegates that's left of Trotsky, and he's making his best effort. He even left a nifty brochure in my door (although, that may have been one of his campaign workers). He's one of the few candidates in the god-blessed United States to describe himself as "to the left" of his opponents.
He made his fortune, as it were, building "affordable" houses for people in Richmond, and disposable McMansions for people here in Charlottesville. However, his political acumen is only tempered by his incredible naïveté. Here's a quote from an article from the C-ville:

"Q: How will you deal with the right-wing in the General Assembly?

A: Let me give you a specific example. I’ve worked with some homeless groups, and some of the people who are chronically homeless are convicted felons. I discovered there are a whole array of laws that are used to keep punishing people when they get out of prison. I think that’s wrong. If I’m talking to a progressive person about the issue, I talk to them about compassion. If I talk to someone who’s got a conservative bias, I talk about it as an anti-crime measure. It’s all about how you present the issue."

Or, on NBC 29 News today, and this is a paraphrased misquote, "I don't want to talk in specifics about education, because there are so many important issues. I think they all deserve some attention. For instance, my issue is affordable housing."

I love Virginia, I get to vote for men named "Kim," and one of the Democratic candidates for Lieutenant Governor is named "Viola Baskerville," whom, previously, I thought to be a character from a Sherlock Holmes novel. She left her brochure in my mailbox today, or maybe the USPS did, I don't know. Well, she isn't running against the former mayor of Charlottesville, so I guess I'll probably vote for her. Especially because no other candidate has bothered to send me a flier yet. However, I guess it's only a primary, so it really doesn't matter what I think.

Anyways, in terms of free media attention this Tingley guy seems to really know what he's doing.

Balance to the Force

>>STAR WARS PHILOSOPHICAL SPOILER ALERT<<
Okay, I have to write some tests and exams, so this is a perfect opportunity to begin my all-nighter with some classic procrastination.
So, Janna and I made a donation to the Make-George-Lucas-Richer-Fund and went to see Revenge of the Sith last night. I will agree with some others that this movie was better than the bad Phantom Menace and the horrible Attack of the Clones. However, I am of the theory that Lucas should've handed over directorial responsibilities to others, as he did in Episodes 5 and 6.

Here's my ranking of the Star Wars films...

1) The Empire Strikes Back ***½
2) The Return of the Jedi ***
3) The Revenge of the Sith **½
4) A New Hope *½
5) The Phantom Menace *
6) The Attack of the Clones ½

There is a philosophical problem that intrigues me, and it cuts to the heart of all the issues facing this country today. I think this problem is at the heart of Star Wars: ROTS (tee-hee). This is the problem of dualism, over which I have wasted many kilobytes. Now, the Star Wars universe is fundamentally dualistic--Dark/Light sides of the force, Sith/Jedi, Darth/Master, Empire/Republic, et cetera ad nauseam. However, one thing Taoism mentions is a balance between good and evil. This is paid lip service by the Jedi in talking about "the one" who will restore "balance" to the Force. However, as the movie makes very clear, the Jedi are understood to be totally good and the Sith totally bad. The destruction of evil is understood, therefore, to be the restoration of "balance" to the force? (Read that one as if you were a 7th grader answering a question in class.)
Also, would it not be reasonable for Anakin to assume that the Jedi would be tempted by the power involved in safe-guarding the transition from the lifetime Chancellorship of Palpatine back to Republicanism. Also, the wonderful, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes" line is preceeded by--as someone whose name I cannot remember pointed out--"I believe in democracy, in the republic." (I suppose one might be able to argue that, theoretically, democracy is the absence of "absolutes.")
However, the point is, those who believe that good and evil are at war are disingenuous at best when they suggest that people should all be able to get along and resolve their disputes like grown-ups. The logical conclusion of dualism is the so-called "Stand Your Ground" Law. This is a Wild West kind of fantasy where everyone's armed and carryin' a big ol' chip on their shoulder. In fact, aren't Jedi Knights sufficiently involved in this sort of morally dubious behavior, if the world is divided between good and evil?
The fact of the matter is the Taoist idea that good and evil should be in harmony and the Christian idea that good and evil are unequal yet evenly distributed throughout all things in the universe are flip sides of the same coin. Whereas Star Wars views good and evil from a more Manichean, Zoroastrian, or--to get even more archaic--Mithraistic world view. This, unfortunately, is also the primary coloration of our President's neo-conservative worldview. There is a reason that Nietsche, Wagner, and Hitler were into Zoroaster. Also, it is suprisingly ironic that the way many Christians set up a schema of Satanism is extremely Manichean, however, Satanists themselves are anything but dualists. Rather, their view of good and evil is more orthodox than most Christians' out there.
So anyways, I watched the Patty Hearst documentary on PBS tonight (another delightful time-waster). The problem with the armed leftist revolutionaries of the 1970s was this fundamental problem of dualism. If good is at war with evil, and one is on the side of good, then how can one do "evil" in order to further the good. See, the LA cops had no philosophical problem, because the definition of their good didn't involve not killing people (double negative alert!). However, because the SLA didn't have a non-dualistic view of the universe, the project was doomed to failure.
I believe this is the fundamental problem with the Iraq War. It was conceived in racist dualistic arrogance, "We're good, they're bad; We're tough, they're weak." It was executed in racist dualistic arrogance arrogance, "We don't need the kind of civil affairs operation we might have needed when invading Europe." We acted like dualistic communists by disbanding the Iraqi Army and originally disqualifying Ba'ath Party members from the new public administration. Then, our President acts like an arrogant pig by telling our enemies to, "bring it on," which put the lie to any protestations of wanting peace.
Anyways, the problem of dualism is apparent in both of these examples. You can't force people to be good at the point of a gun. Also, you can't promote morality by being amoral--nor is it the first job of the government to promote morality, but rather to prevent the worst excesses of vice. There is more to be said here, but this post has gone on too long.

Waltz Class

This picture was taken by Michelle at waltz class last week. 

"He said erection."

That's what one of my students said, during a scene in a video I showed them discussing the construction of the Pantheon. If it weren't for teenages, who would alert us to all the missed possible double entendres or penis jokes in the world.

de vita nova

So, I brought Roger and Tullia to school today. Gina was finally ready to do an abbreviated unit on reptiles. I buy my turtles' worms in a gas station in Belmont, the old-white-trashy-cum-trendy-alternahip neighborhood. The gas station, thankfully is more of the former than the latter. This morning the attendant and I had the best small talk about worms. Nobody is better at small talk than gas station attendants in socio-economically disadvantaged areas. He guessed, correctly, that I would be feeding my pets. That lead into a great discussion about using live specimens in the classroom. He brightened up my day.
Anyways, during the day Roger was hopeless, as always, hiding in his shell almost all day long. Tullia, however, was the star of the show. It was probably the greatest day of her life. She ate a whole worm in all 5 classes--that little pig. She was craning her neck to take in every new sight she could.
The most wonderful thing was Gina, though. It was her son that ratted out the would-be Klebold and Harris the other day. He is going to have to testify at their trial. Needless to say, the emotionally labile Gina was somewhat down yesterday. However, today, on her way out of her driveway, she almost ran over another box turtle. She brought this little guy in, and I got to take her/him (I haven't been able to definitively sex the little guy yet) home at the end of the day.
Anyways, by the end of the day, Gina was raving about how wonderful the turtles had been. The kids were thrilled--they had turtle races (of which I'm sure Roger was not a part) and loved seeing the little guys. She was positively exuberant.
I am thrilled, because I was trying to think how I would get my longed-for third turtle, without plucking him/her from the wild. I believe that a turtle who was saved from being ran over by a car is fair game to be collected. So, now I have my third. Anyways, Gina hadn't determined the name yet, which she kindly left to me. She said that one student had suggested naming the turtle after himself, but I don't think I'm going to follow through on that. However, the other two suggested names were Rescue and Speedy.
I have to say that Rescue seems extremely appealling to me as the concept of mercy/salvation has been reappearing as a theme in my life lately. So, I guess I'm going to open this one up to my fellow netizens (a neologism which I use only semi-enthusiastically). What do you think I should name my new turtle. Extra points will be given to any name that references grace, mercy, or salvation and is vaguely unisex (or can easily be modified for the other gender). Of course, like the Donald, I reserve the final right to choose the name, but I'd like to use the power of modern communication technology to make this decision. So leave a comment if you care or drop me an e-mail.
Peace.

P.S. I'm not going to tell Janna about the third turtle and see how long it takes her to either read this entry or notice that there is a third turtle in the pen.

And I just thought the AC was broken...

Well, I sent a student home today. My young learner was expressing his desire to see my soul rot for eternity in large letters on his Latin folder, I believe the exact quote was, "Burn in Hell, Mr. Lind." Trust me, although these letters were big, they were NOT friendly. Well, anyways, it's probably due to the fact that I am a big, fascist stooge. That, or I asked him to bring his folder to class every day. Anyways, I've learned my lesson, I won't ever try and educate another thirteen year old, except for maybe tomorrow.
Well, school today bore a striking resemblance to the infernal regions--maybe my young pupil was merely trying to be descriptive rather than prescriptive. So, you know how it's not funny at the airport, when they ask you if you have anything to declare, and you say, "Just the bomb in my backpack." Similarly, it is not funny when you tell your classmates that you are going to, "Go Columbine" and "kill" them.
Anyways, two of our lovely high school students had a wonderful afternoon in the Albemarle County Jail. Who knows, maybe that afternoon has merged into a glorious evening.
All I know is that at recess, when I had to tell a young lady to go meet her mother in the parking lot, my heart was breaking because I knew that her stepfather had just passed away. Anyways, it makes all the drama behind our final dramatic production this year pale in comparison. Bless the deity.
I shan't more than mention the pile of administrivia that needs doing between now and year's end.
Suffice it to say, at the end of the school day, there were a lot of red eyes amongst our students. Man, do I need Jesus.
My favorite single movie scene ever is from The Apostle. Robert Duvall is leading a chain gain in a chant, with that deep Southern accent, whose refrain is Juh-EES-uhs. His character is a convicted murderer, but he turns to the Lord in just the same need as this holier-than-thou Christian School Teacher.
"For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer."
--1 Timothy 4:5
Lord, bend me until I break into one thousand pieces. Scoop me up and fashion me in your image. Melt my hardened heart and soften my rocky spirit. Crush my pride and my arrogance. Cultivate my love and my compassion. Overwhelm me with a flood of your mercy. Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Kyrie eleison.

Mentally Ill? Please Call Back During Business Hours...In 5 to 10 Business Days

 

Well, thanks for the outpouring of love and support that has come due to recent posts. I really wasn't trying to get attention, merely blow off some steam after a tough day. However, for those who care, I have been down in the dumps for almost a year now. This is a shout-out to my neighbor Mary Beth, recent illustrious winner of UVa's Oncology Center Compassionate Care Award, who always listens to my crazy depressed ramblings whenever I come over to her house. I'd like to award her the Orangedale Compassionate Friend Award.
Anyways, in terms of finding a professional, paid therapist, I took the bold step of pulling out my insurance card from my wallet. However, before I even thought to do that, I went to www.anthem.com to see what they could do for me. After trying to register several times, I realized that the password I choose was not long enough. After reworking my password, I was able to register, only to discover that my PIN number was going to come in 5 to 10 business days. Well, I guess my crazy is going to have to wait until next week.
However, I did notice, in big, friendly letters (it's homage, not plagiarism), "MENTAL HEALTH" followed by a very promising colon:
I looked, hoping to see a benefit structure...but instead it was an 800 number. Well, that was something, at least. So, I called, and a very friendly recording told me that anyone who was still at work neither had any clue as to what benefits I'm entitled nor could authorize any problems that I might be experiencing. It was reassuring, though, to know that, if I were on the side of building, about to jump, I could call the MENTAL HEALTH 800 number on my insurance card, and, after listening to the very friendly recording, I could be put on hold to talk to someone who might care. All this for free--I must tell Spencer to stop telling the kids, "Here's 35¢, call someone who cares." Of course, lately he's been using, "1-800-WAH," which, some young scholar always notices, could not actually be a real phone number.
Well, 5 to 10 business days later, you may hear that I'm a new man, or, a depressed one who is actually seeking help.

Whaaaa?

I was reading the gossip as I am wont to do. I was curious about the last paragraph, so, of course, I googled it. What the who? If it weren't Garrison and Altman, I wouldn't even have given this a fart's chance of being smelt in the lake of fire. Then I find out this is a remake? (Keep in mind that I was about 8 in 1987.) My world has just been rocked.

This Is America,...

I read that Sen. John Warner was on the fence about supporting the "nuclear" option in the Senate. I sent the following to him to help nudge his staff in a certain direction. If you live in VA, maybe you could send a note to the Senator to help him do the right thing.
This is what I said:

>Senator Warner, I have been very pleased with your leadership in the Senate. You demanded some tough accountability from the administration during the transfer of sovereignty in Iraq. You are willing to think critically about issues rather than just parrot what others say. I appreciate your outspokenness and commitment not only to principle, but to good governance.
I have lived in VA for five years, and I will have a chance to vote for you for the first time in 2006. I am a Democrat, but am more than willing to put my support behind you because of your leadership in the Senate.
However, there is one issue on which I believe that you need to put your wisdom and thoughtfulness into action in order for me to support you. Please do not support the so-called "nuclear" end to judicial filibusters.
I would not want to see the day when extremely liberal judges get a pass on this nation's benches just because the Democrats run the show. The moderation and jurisprudence of the third branch of government is essential in maintaining the greatest liberty for the greatest number of citizens.
Another wise leader from Virginia, John Marshall, established the precedent for keeping the judiciary independent. Let's retain for all Americans the independent judiciary.<

...This Isn't Communist China

So, with my free rentals from Corporate Video, LLC (Blockbuster), I rented Reno 911 last night. I watched the first four episodes, which were actually incredibly funny. In one episode, the police were attempting to arrest a half-naked man who had overstayed his hotel visit making a "cinema verite" movie with himself, a blow-up doll, and some KY jelly. The man kept screaming, "This is America, I can do what I want," and then persisted in singing the Star-Spangled Banner, while the officers wrestled with him on the bed. Later on, Lt. Jim Dangle kept commenting, "This isn't Communist China, were we tell people what to do," when he really wanted to criticize a fellow officer's fiance.
Now, my old college friend Jared has a blog that I occasionally read about his life in China. What is happening to Christians, Muslims, Falun Gong, Democracy advocates, etc... in China is pretty horrible. However, when you read Jared's list of 10 Government Guidelines, it sounds like such a wonderful way to run a society.

Don't spit just anywhere

Don't litter

Don't damage public property

Don't ruin the grass and plants

Don't carelessly cross the road

Don't smoke at bus stops

Don't use rude or profane words

Don't scribble or paste items just anywhere

Don't chaotically pile up/stack or occupy space

Don't urinate/defecate just anywhere

Of course, all of these things are small things, but they add up to common courtesy. Now the best joke of Reno 911 is that, although we believe we live in a "free society," the police can and do have a considerable level of control over what we do. The punchline of liberty, of course, is that the one who has it has to take it from one who doesn't. If I'm free to buy a brand new jetski, that means 100 people in Vietnam have to live in excreable conditions, and all the people who are vacationing near me have to put up with the noise and the wake from my jetski. Not only that, but all the nature lovers have to watch me endager their beloved wildlife, etc...
On the other hand, Jared's complaint is, that in a "Communist" country, they can't even seem to make people follow a few basic rules. This reminds me of my experience in Philadelphia. For all of you who ever plan to have contact with Middle Schoolers, one way they attempt to get out of trouble is by pretending like they never ever heard before that it was wrong to blow up their little sister's barbie with an M-80.
So, as we were walking through Philadelphia we were leaving Constitution Hall, where we had all been issued tickets. I saw a gaggle of girls drop their tickets on the sidewalk.

Me: Ladies, pick up your tickets. That's littering and it's against the law.
Young Lady: Really, I didn't know it was illegal in Pennsylvania. I thought that there were different laws than in Virginia.
Me: Well, it's illegal everywhere, and I don't care if it's illegal, it's just plain rude.

Anyways, the point is, freedom to poop outside is freedom to drink contaminated water. Freedom to pollute is the freedom for children to die of mercury poisoning. Freedom to use private social security accounts is freedom for old people to eat cat food everyday until they die. Finally, freedom to pursue mammon is the freedom to starve. Those who live by the dollar will die by the dollar.

Happy Friendly Puppies

No, I'm not joining Joel in Japan. But, have you seen the Simpsons episode where they go to Japan? There is a great scene where someone, I believe Lisa, points out the Hello Kitty® factory. Quite possibly one of the funniest sound effects ensues, involving a meow merging into a squishing and howling sound. Describing it, of course now, makes it merely gruesome, but in context, it made me want to $&!# my pants.
Anyways, I just finished watching two documentaries--one on the "American Revolution" co-produced by the BBC and PBS, and another of Ken Burns'® series of biographies featured the sublime Samuel Clemens/Mark Twain. The theme of any documentary made by Ken Burns® is, of course, the greatness of life measured by its complete and utterly unspeakable tragedy. The notable thing about Clemens/Twain is that he was able to remain basically hilarious until the end. In fact his humor only sharpened as the rota fortunae turned the screws on him.
The BBC/PBS documentary on the "American Revolution," which may be better called the "Anglo-American Civil War," was superlative. Entitled Rebels and Redcoats, it put a good perspective on the war. The fact of the matter is, if you watch the series Liberty and then this one, it is a perfect tutorial in the biases of history. Richard Holmes, a British military historian from Cranfield University, subtly makes the argument that Americans were no more or less free after the "Revolution" than before. In fact, while travelling on a bus in the Carolinas, he interviews a young man who points out that if the British had won the war we would all now have socialized medicine, real social programs, etc...
The point is, of course, if you only see things from your point of view, it is easy to justify bombing the world into submission. However, the British quit the war because they saw things from our point of view--maybe they were pushing us around a little bit. There was a good quote in the film from a man killed in his home by British soldiers during the engagements near Lexington and Concord, "An Englishman's home is his castle."
Anyways, Holmes emphasized the similarities between that war and the war in Vietnam. As he quoted Nathaniel Greene, "We lose, get up, brush ourselves off, and keep fighting." Nathaniel Greene never won a battle, but it was Cornwallis that surrendured in 1781, not he. Likewise, the VietCong and NVA did not win any engagements with American troops, however, it was the Americans that left in 1975, not the NVA. In fact, a greater percentage of our nation's population died in the War of Independence than did in any other, save the Civil War. It was our longest, save the Vietnam War.
This is the principal reason that Lee was doomed to failure in the Civil War. During the "Revolution," the "patriots" talked about the war as a "revolution." In 1800 Jefferson also talked about his ascent to power as a "revolution." However, in the Civil War, only the upper echelons of Confederates and secessionists talked about the war in terms of a "revolution." Even now, when diehard Southerners are asked what they fought for, they say "states' rights." Now, when they used to say this, they meant institutionalized racism. However, now it is a completely vague concept with no definition to contemporary Confederate apologists except possibly an anti-tariff stance. This reaches a fever pitch of absurdity when one considers that Jesse Helms of North Cackalackey was deeply opposed to "free" trade.
The problem is, Southerners had no intellectual concept, however unreal, to rally behind during the war. Therefore, they were playing defense, both militarily and intellectually. We all know what happens when you go on the defensive--it's only a matter of time before you lose. Lee was not committed to a war of national liberation, and therefore refused to authorize guerilla tactics against the Yankees. The Yankees, however, felt free to bring their own guerilla war against the Southern people, straight through the heart of the Confederacy. This is exemplified by the transformation of Union Cavalry over the course of the war.
At the beginning of the war, the chivalrous Southern gentlemen saw themselves as latter-day knights (Nathan Bedford Forrest, anyone?) and were prepared for 18th century cavalry battles. However, their sheer arrogance and assumption of superiority led to Confederate defeat at Gettysburg and Phil Sheridan's Union cavalry terror squads riding through the Shenandoah Valley and torching everything they saw. In fact, the Union Cavalry wore their sabers for show, because they realized that in the modern era, a horse was merely a more effecient means of transport, rather than an actual force multiplier on the battlefield. That's why dismounted Union cavalry essentially won the battle of Gettysburg on the first day, even though they ended up ceding the ground to the Confederate infantry.
The point is, Lee, a man who sold all of his slaves before essentially fighting for a system of racial apartheid, could not see the conflict in a morally clear manner. I don't think that Lee wanted to win. If he did, the war would have been completely different. Lee would have sent out raiding parties to disrupt Northern railroads and shipping. He would have more agressively urged Kentuckian Confederates to act as Commandoes on the Ohio and Northward. They would have promised the Indians New Mexico and Arizona in return for unrelenting attacks on Western settlements. They would have attempted assasinations of all major Washington politicians, and they would have gone on the offensive immediately in Kentucky. The fact that Confederate volunteers from Illinois and New York were fighting in Virginia is a perfect example of this @$$backwardness, or retroculosity.

the things that are wrong with my brain

Today was field day--I think I got too much sun.
Let's recap--my 11 male adolescent advisees decided to name our team--"The Pink Flamingoes."
They were the only advisory that couldn't seem to keep themselves behind the white lines. I, however, didn't care as much as I probably should and, when I asked them to move back, settled for a 3 foot region near the white line. However, seeing as this was possibly my greatest frustration of the day--I would consider field day a success. Gina let me drive her Saab convertible; damn, that's as sexy as a car as I can imagine--practicality wedded with the wind in the hair that Janna just chopped off my head this weekend.
The excess sun, however, has made my mental problems apparent today.
A) Selective Amnesia
1) I didn't remember my wife's, my female coworkers', and my female friends' admontions to wear sunscreen in the morning.
2) I didn't remember that there would be paint on our "flags" today, so I wore nice shorts.
3) Follow both of these to their logical conclusion.
B) O or CD
1) I'm obsessive--I was driven to distraction by the fact I could not find my CD case this morning, convinced it was stolen. (It was sitting right next to my stereo in my classroom.)
2) I'm compulsive--I had to watch every single one of MSNBC's "Michael Jackson Puppet Theater" on the internet today, and I am still bothered by the fact that there is one video I could not see. All of them were insipidly ridiculous, and not worth anyone's time.
Anxiety Disorder
1) The programs on TV tonight are so stupid, I had to turn it off in frustration. Instead of grading quizzes while watching aforementioned stultifying TV (or not watching it--if I might allow myself to imagine that alternate universe), I am sitting here working myself up over a stack of ungraded quizzes.
2) The fact that only two DVDs are shown on my Blockbuster account as having been shipped, and that the Blockbuster website keeps on asking me to enter my password everytime I click on a new page is driving me beserk.
3) When I stepped out the door to drive myself to the library, and realized my wife had taken the car to the open Waltz tonight, I felt simultaneous frustrated (for not being able to go check out a boring video) and guilty (for not going to aforementioned waltz or for not wanting to ride my bicycle to the library).
Addictive Behaviors
1) There is no alcohol in the house for me to calm my nerves.
2) There are no carbohydrate loaded snacks for me to shove down my bloated pie-hole.
Mild Depression
1) I don't really care at all if I get any work done for the next few years.
2) I haven't signed up for any summer classes at UVa, because I don't really care if I ever get an advanced degree
3) I slept for three hours after the International Compassion 5k on Saturday through some of the most beautiful weather yet.
4) I'm so depressed, I can't even bring myself to find out if my health care covers counseling.
5) At least I'm not suicidal--simply because I'm so damn apathetic.
6) George W. Bush is the anti-Christ.
7) Ignore that if you think George W. Bush is great, but why are you so ignorant?

On a more positive note...
I made it through field day without having to make any doctor's appointments for tomorrow. Except for maybe a psychologist. Shoot, scratch that. Should I leave the previous sentence fragment in this post or not? Give me your opinion in the comments section--it might mean the difference between me coming up with another subject and verb or just going to bed early.

What the bullshit?

Well, I just saw What the Bleep Do We Know?, which of course, by existing, creates its own paradox. It is the whole, "Well, let me tell you the answers, because we don't really understand anything" paradox. Actually, some of the things in the movie were quite well put, and when the movie talked about real science, it had something vaguely interesting to say. However, as a philosophy, it is full of horseshit. The problem with making the statement--there is no such thing as good or bad, so you shouldn't worry about it--is its own inherent contradiction. As soon as you say should, or any one of a number of words, you imply morality. Or even the affirmation of truth over ignorance is a moral statement.
Human beings may exist as biochemical beings, but we are also by the virtue of our existence moral beings. The very act of existing as opposed to not existing is a moral statement. Just by not taking my own life I am implying that somethingness is better than nothingness. Therefore, existence itself is a moral situation.
If, as the movie suggests, I should take time to create my day, how am I to create it? Is what I want the definition of the good? What if what I want is physically harmful? If I am merely to choose between malign or benign desires, than who makes that distinction? How do I know that my judgement is always right? If that is true, than does that make everyone who disagrees with me as right as I am? What if I think it is bad to commit genocide, but everyone else I know decides that genocide is the right decision for them? What if I decide that I have a human right to have sex, and that, if the only way I can satisfy that desire is by rape, I ought to be able to rape people?
Why would one want to transcend the good and bad? Is transcendence preferrable to non-transcendence? Does preferance define truth? Is truth an ultimate goal? Why should I choose truth over ignorance? What makes one philosophy superior to another? How do I know something is more or less true? Why should I believe I create my own reality when other people in that reality don't believe that?
The point is, when the rubber hits the road, you can't do away with morality. If morality is just something I feel, than what if someone feels good about something I feel bad about? When we live in community, I can guarantee that there will be disagreements about good or bad. Solving those disagreements without appealing to some sort of group morality is impossible. I would dare anyone to try.
I would suggest that Descartes' proof of his own existence--cogito ergo sum--proves one other thing, that values are necessary to existence, because existence itself is a value.
Anyways, the moral philosophy of the movie is bullshit, because the movie pretends not to have a moral philosophy. Why follow someone's teachings if out of one side of their mouth they tell you what to do, and out of the other side they tell you there is no morality. Anyways, anything in that movie that wasn't referring specifically to scientific information was making a distinctly moral argument. Therefore, I feel that it is disingenuous for them to tell us that good and bad are categories beyond our ken. If good and bad truly are beyond our human understanding, why do they keep bringing them up?
Anyways, here is the fundamental philosophical problem of our age--people throw morality in the trash as being "old-fashioned" and then create their own morality which they claim to be transcendent. All the while the most self-deceiving among us (including yours truly) convince ourselves that we have somehow moved past morality.

05/05/05

On the fifth day of the fifth month of the 62nd year of the 19th century--the Mexicans earned themselves some good ol' fashioned national pride. This was dutifully celebrated by yours truly at El Puerto by only paying $2.50 for my Corona. This and some enchiladas verdes deliciosas really put me in the mood.
I mean, what a tremendous historical event. Here it is, the United States, which has pledged to protect the new states of Latin America from European interference, is in the depths of the greatest internecine warfare ever seen. Napoleon III sees his chance, and sends off his henchman, Maximillian to become "Emperor of Mexico"--what a title, almost as good as "Level 5 Dungeon Wizard." If the Mexicans want to maintain their "democracy" and "independence" they are going to have to go it alone against the world's second most powerful, but most effeminate, superpower. Well, you all know the story, they met the dastardly Europeans at the dusty battlefield of Puebla, and well, I won't bore you with what you learned in your high school history classes.
But seriously, let's take a walk through Mexican history--as I shared with Vicki this morning during the 5k fun run for Darfur. (It does seem ironic to win a t-shirt in order to combat genocide.) Anyways, back to Mexican history.

THE AZTECS
-Brutal oppresion of all neighboring tribes.
-Ritual human sacrifice.
-Floating gardens.
THE CONQUISTADORS
-Brutal oppresion of all native peoples within reach.
-Catholicism allows for Christian brotherhood between whites and natives, especially brotherly whippings for failure to convert to said Catholicism.
-Racism is a nifty way to keep track of who's more superior.
-In North America, known as conKEEstadors, in Britain, conKWIstadors--everybody wins.
THE WAR OF INDEPENDENCE FROM SPAIN not to be confused with the Mexican Revolution
-White people have freedom to be white.
-Racism still helpful in determining who gets what.
-Haciendas provide another great idea for naming developments in America's vast suburban wasteland along with such trees as Elms, Oaks, and Poplars.
THE TEXAS WAR OF INDEPENDENCE not to be confused with the Texas Annexation a decade later
-The Alamo allows aging white Southern actors chance to make bad historical movies.
-Austin City Limits provides excellent entertainment on Friday nights on PBS.
-They messed with Texas.
THE U.S./MEXICAN WAR to be confused with the Mexican War.
-Abraham Lincoln, a liberal America-hating communist, opposes American imperialism in the Southwest.
-We kick the shit out of Mexico.
-St. Patrick's bridage--a bunch of Irishmen come down to Mexico, get so drunk, start fighting on the wrong side.
-2/3 of Mexico becomes inspiration for Chili's restaurant.
FRANCO-MEXICAN WAR not to be confused with delicious Franco-American Spaghetti-O's
-Mexico finally wins a war.
-Everyone has defeated France, big fricking deal.
-Cinco De Mayo great reason for discounting Mexican Beer.
OPPRESSIVE DICTATORSHIP OF PORFIRIO DIAZ
-Would you like to have someone named Porfirio pushing you around for 35 years.
MEXICAN REVOLUTION not to be confused with previously mentioned War of Independence or Cinco de Mayo
-Wave upon wave of internecine violence.
-Pancho Villa inspires many Southwestern mayhem-themed restaurants.
-What's not to love about a total breakdown in law and order.
-Gives Pershing a chance to practice riding around in a desert before sending troops to trench warfare in France.
80 YEARS OF A ONE-PARTY "DEMOCRACY"
-"Democracy" is easier when there is only one party to vote for.
-What's better than a revolution--an institutional revolution.
-Trotsky had a pleasant stay until unpleasantly and literally axed by NKVD (KGB to be).
-Frida Kahlo was crazy, man.
VICENTE FOX not to be confused with Mexican soap opera actor
-Who better to run Mexico than Coca-Cola.
-Last name sounds better to Anglos than some crazy Mexican name ending with "-ez".
-Name sounds vaguely reassuring to Red staters.

I hope you all got in some good celebrating this past Thursday, because Mexico deserves something to cheer about besides Gael García Bernal acting all gay in artsy films. I raise my glass in tribute to my plucky friends south of the border willing to risk suffocation, horrible diseases not known since the 19th century, and crazy militias just to work at Wal-Mart with no insurance. Globalization is here to stay. ¡Salud, mis amigos!

WYSIWYG

So, I haven't seen What the Bleep Do We Know yet, but it's on my queue at Blockbuster. (By the by, my ancestors didn't invade Canada early on in the nation's history just so that a list of movies I could rent online would be called a queue--where's the hot congressional action when you need it?) However, I hear that a prominently featured idea is that you can only see what you believe is in front of you. Well, more anecdotal evidence follows.
So, Emily told me today that I looked like "Ron Burgundy" today. This would make her the n billionth person to have made the observation that I bear a resemblance to a certain SNL alumnus. Anyways, this brought up the Halloween story--that Halloween party filled with random drunk people that Janna didn't really know because we showed up so early that I headed straight for the Jack Daniel's and can only remember through a haze of bad party vibe. Anyways, I didn't really feel like dressing up, so I went as a candle. I used the left over orange hair spray from last year's Field Day--see my orthopedic surgeon for all the fun details on that happy incident--and I dressed all in one color. Anyways, no one at the party said, "Hey--candle--I get it." Of course I would be an idiot to expect someone to say that. Actually, what I was hoping, was that people would see me and say, "What the *~{% does he think he's doing--he's *~{%ing retarded," and not talk to me. However, this ruse backfired, because instead I got, "Dude--totally--Elf right!" or, "Whoa! Old School! Man you rock!" Maybe this year, somebody will come up to me and say, "Man, you totally sucked in Melinda and Melinda, and I mean, everyone knows Woody Allen lost his chops after he started boning his adoptive teenage Asian daughter."
Okay, time for the requisite photo essay...


Me? 


Of course this isn't me or Will Ferrell, click on the darn picture. I hate to say this, but unfortunately this guy's name is Shannon Ferrell and he goes to Oklahoma State University. I hate to say this as well, but 'nuff said. (I found his picture on a google search for my doppleganger in flesh.)

Anyways, the point is, those overgrown fratboys could only see me as the guy they wanted to come to their party--not for the beautiful anti-social candle I truly was on the inside. The point is, if someone comes to a party with orange hair, just let him sit alone next to the Jack Daniel's singing Stephen Foster songs.

CmdrSue Finds the Darndest Things

Thanks, Commander Sue, for finding this quiz. I guess, given the choices, I should've known where this one would have ended up.

You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.



“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre



“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal



More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Existentialism		90%
Utilitarianism		80%
Divine Command		60%
Justice (Fairness)		60%
Hedonism		40%
Kantianism		30%
Strong Egoism		20%
Apathy		5%
Nihilism		5%

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
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