the things that are wrong with my brain

Today was field day--I think I got too much sun.
Let's recap--my 11 male adolescent advisees decided to name our team--"The Pink Flamingoes."
They were the only advisory that couldn't seem to keep themselves behind the white lines. I, however, didn't care as much as I probably should and, when I asked them to move back, settled for a 3 foot region near the white line. However, seeing as this was possibly my greatest frustration of the day--I would consider field day a success. Gina let me drive her Saab convertible; damn, that's as sexy as a car as I can imagine--practicality wedded with the wind in the hair that Janna just chopped off my head this weekend.
The excess sun, however, has made my mental problems apparent today.
A) Selective Amnesia
1) I didn't remember my wife's, my female coworkers', and my female friends' admontions to wear sunscreen in the morning.
2) I didn't remember that there would be paint on our "flags" today, so I wore nice shorts.
3) Follow both of these to their logical conclusion.
B) O or CD
1) I'm obsessive--I was driven to distraction by the fact I could not find my CD case this morning, convinced it was stolen. (It was sitting right next to my stereo in my classroom.)
2) I'm compulsive--I had to watch every single one of MSNBC's "Michael Jackson Puppet Theater" on the internet today, and I am still bothered by the fact that there is one video I could not see. All of them were insipidly ridiculous, and not worth anyone's time.
Anxiety Disorder
1) The programs on TV tonight are so stupid, I had to turn it off in frustration. Instead of grading quizzes while watching aforementioned stultifying TV (or not watching it--if I might allow myself to imagine that alternate universe), I am sitting here working myself up over a stack of ungraded quizzes.
2) The fact that only two DVDs are shown on my Blockbuster account as having been shipped, and that the Blockbuster website keeps on asking me to enter my password everytime I click on a new page is driving me beserk.
3) When I stepped out the door to drive myself to the library, and realized my wife had taken the car to the open Waltz tonight, I felt simultaneous frustrated (for not being able to go check out a boring video) and guilty (for not going to aforementioned waltz or for not wanting to ride my bicycle to the library).
Addictive Behaviors
1) There is no alcohol in the house for me to calm my nerves.
2) There are no carbohydrate loaded snacks for me to shove down my bloated pie-hole.
Mild Depression
1) I don't really care at all if I get any work done for the next few years.
2) I haven't signed up for any summer classes at UVa, because I don't really care if I ever get an advanced degree
3) I slept for three hours after the International Compassion 5k on Saturday through some of the most beautiful weather yet.
4) I'm so depressed, I can't even bring myself to find out if my health care covers counseling.
5) At least I'm not suicidal--simply because I'm so damn apathetic.
6) George W. Bush is the anti-Christ.
7) Ignore that if you think George W. Bush is great, but why are you so ignorant?

On a more positive note...
I made it through field day without having to make any doctor's appointments for tomorrow. Except for maybe a psychologist. Shoot, scratch that. Should I leave the previous sentence fragment in this post or not? Give me your opinion in the comments section--it might mean the difference between me coming up with another subject and verb or just going to bed early.