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Thanks for the comments on my last post. It is always lovely to have visitors at my blog. I am trying to practice the spiritual discipline, which I have heard called, "gratefulness." Of course, if you've read my last entry, you'll probably understand when I prefer to call it "gratitude."

Let's consult the Bible.

Rest for the Weary
²⁵At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure. ²⁷"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
--Matthew 11

Now, I'm not claiming to be wise, but I would dare argue that I could jump on a piece of "learned." Especially because in this instance I am claiming that it provides me with a distinct disadvantage in the area of spiritual growth.

Lately, I have desperately wanted the world to be fair, just, reasonable, beautiful, and welcoming inter alia, or failing all that, just one of the above. However, the fact of the matter is that things are what they are. Whether we are brains in a vat, motes in God's eye, or intricately crafted repositories of the mystery of the universe, that is what we are, and no amount of straining my brain will make it one way or the other. In fact, the only things my mental effort can effect is my interaction with that same universe.

Here's the thing--the idea of predestination is a dangerous one. It makes one cling to life choices as being either totally right or totally wrong. If one believes that God has foreordained a path for you, then you either have to blindly stick it out or you have to abandon ship. The problem is that the real solution is almost always somewhere between the two.

Now, I should be doing my Latin homework right now, but it is important that I process something. So, here's what I have.

God wants me to be his servant, but he did not design me to be miserable. Nor did he foreordain me to any specific role in his creation. I have always been someone who desired to, if not actually, help others. I have made a career out of being an educator. I have always tried to volunteer, and I find satisfaction in making others' lives somewhat easier.

However, God has a message for me, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)." I need not be a martyr. I need to live life fully. If not, I have rejected the gift Christ has offered me.

Now, I've had several major complaints about my job--first, I never wanted to teach Middle School; second, I hate my textbook; third, I don't like having to teach students two years in a row who do not choose to be in my classroom--fourth, I am exhausted by teaching six classes. All of these complaints will be redressed next year.

If I don't feel consistently joyful doing my job next year, that means it is time to leave teaching for a while. This doesn't mean I'm any sort of failure--I desperately want to be a success. I can tell myself that most teachers leave in their first five years, I've made it six. I can tell myself that the system isn't designed to make teachers successful. I can continue giving excuses, or I can practice gratitude.

God has given me a young life with a thousand options. If he doesn't want me to serve him as a teacher, then he will provide something else. I don't have to define my life in one way or another. I haven't been miserable as a teacher, but it hasn't made me feel totally fulfilled. The sheer amount of work has been daunting; however, I've always bitten off more than I can or need to chew.

Here are some ideas that I've had lately of what I could do with my life.

Get an MBA: I could go to business school, and get an MBA. Having regularly worked 50 to 60 hours a week as a teacher, I think I could hack it in the business world. Especially if I could find a job doing something with alternative energies such as biodiesel, ethanol, solar, etc...

Become a librarian: Why not follow in my brother's footsteps? I've been working in libraries a lot longer than he has.

Become a police officer: I think I could do well with wierd shifts. I've always been able to adjust my circadian rhythms. I think I'm smart enough, and I've been into working out a lot lately. Plus, there's that whole following in my brother's footsteps things. Cons: I'm a lousy shot. However, I could use this opportunity to start practicing my marksmanship. Maybe I'll buy a handgun. I mean, if Hilary wins this next election, they'll take away all our guns and forcibly sodomize us with them, won't they?

Become a personal trainer: I like working out. Maybe I could get a degree in exercise physiology. Of course, that kind of seems like a dead-end job.

Become a secretary: I enjoy creating, editing, and publishing documents. Of course, I guess I could also work at Kinko's.

Go to J-school/Law school: If I'm going to be a parasite, why not just own it?