The Struggle Continues

Instead of struggling with Hamilton's life, I'm attacking two other books simultaneously, each of which I'm enjoying in it's own way. One of which I will blog about later, because I would like to read it before I pass judgement. That is A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. Recommended to me by various persons, I want to know what this McLaren character is all about. I'm enjoying it so far, although I do think McLaren is somewhat dry, or at least interesting in the most pedantic way possible.

The other is a book recommended to me by my neighbor, Liz. This is Perfect Soldiers, and it describes the personal journeys of the 9/11 hijackers. It is spy-novelesque and quite a page-turner, if for no other reason than that which compels us to look at a traffic accident. I'm afraid I'm going to reveal no great secret when I say that none of the 9/11 hijackers were anybody special. In fact, the only thing they seem to have in common is that their brand of Islam was radicalized by spending time in "the West."

Here's a headline from MSN—"Al Qaida threat to West." Of course, without a verb, this fragment can be interpreted two ways, both hanging on the subjective or objective nature of "Al Qaida" as a genitive noun. Either we can say, subjectively, "Al Qaida [is] a threat to West," or, objectively, "Al Qaida [makes]a threat to West."

Of course, the first is ridiculous, the second is old news. You see, Al Qaida poses the same threat to the 2 billion or so people that live "West" of Asia that rabid orangutangs do. In fact, I would like to see George W. declare war on rabid orangutangs and invade the San Diego Zoo.

Of course, you've heard now that the PC Bush administration term for the "War on Terror," is the "Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism"—its Wu-Tang clan name being, "G-Save" (pronounced gee-SAAAAAYve). Now, the traditional, historical definition of jihad is merely "struggle," as in one struggles with oneself to live a life pleasing to Allah. This is the sense in which Jacob struggled with God or Job struggled with his hardships.

Of course, I'm curious to see how the G-Save is going to be translated into Arabic. Is this going to give the impression that Pat Robertson has given a fatwa to allow common West Virginians to rape detainees with nightsticks? Or, does this have the vaguely Socialistic overtones of class struggle—"Siempre la lucha!"—as one graffito in a Salamanca bathroom put it.

Now, after we have declared this global struggle, how do we define victory, or, failing that, success? Because, I'm still more afraid of getting hit by a drunk driver, contracting feline AIDS from a feral cat, getting conjunctivitis from one of my students, or inadvertently attending a meeting of the young Republicans than getting a paper cut from a terrorist.

When are we going to declare a global war against AIDS and extreme poverty, which kill far more innocent children in one day than George W. and Al-Qaida have managed to off in the past year? How about heart disease or diabetes? What about all the hurricanes being caused by the relatively warm climate?

Anyways, this whole video thing is like a ritual. One of the bearded ones turns on his handicam and shouts at the camera. Somebody hands it to Al-Jazeera and they pretend like somebody just rang the doorbell, dropped a baby on their doorstep, and ran away. Then the CIA analysts tell us they haven't finished analyzing it yet, but, as far as they know, it could be an animatronic puppet made out of used Kalashnikov cartridges and camel semen. That evening, on the late night talk shows, they'll all make the same lame voice-over joke—tonight it was, "Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids. Period. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never."

Then, the next day, George W. will get on TV and talk about his resolve to keep sending troops into battle with no clear objectives. Finally, we hear that four more American soldiers from the heartland with unpronouncable last names died in Iraq. Of course, what we won't hear about, except from those America-hating liberals, is all of the dead Iraqis whose lives are worth approx. 1/1000th of an American one, based on the news coverage.

I for one say that a Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism should begin at home. However, I won't because then Captain Oxycodone might impugn my love for country. God bless America! Xenophobia forever!